I was thinking of stuff to write, since classes are going to be suspended so i’ll have a lot of time (i’ll just cram for that next exam and waste this opportunity for extended reviewing :D) and i thought of the rain. It made me depressed. So I decided to write about what made me depressed and happy last night. (WHAT? HAHA)
My girlfriend and I rarely fight, and when i say rarely, we’ve-been-together-for-two-years-and-we’ve-only-fought-twice kind of rarely. Sounds impossible right? But it’s true. The reason is either I or she gives in, and apologizes every time a problem arises. Pride between us was and is never an issue, one always gives in, and its not coming from one side, we both do. But last night, I realized another factor that lead us to have fights and LQ’s rarely: We weren’t open to each other that much. Not because we feel awkward, i mean, c’mon, we’ve been together for two years, approaching three years (I don’t count months, read my previous post to know why:D), would we still feel awkward? haha, it’s also not because we don’t want the other to know how we truly feel. I realized the reason we weren’t very open to each other is because every time we feel bad for the other, or get angry at the other, we try to forget about it immediately, thinking that it’s normal, it’s okay, thinking that getting upset or angry toward the other is wrong and then acting all considerate about the mistake. So we forget about it, so the mistakes do not get corrected, and the problems do not get solved.
So the other night, she texted me that she missed me, and that this made her upset. I replied it was going to be okay, i would be coming home soon, and that i miss her, but I always try to think positively, so every time i miss her, i dont feel depressed. She told me it was hard for her to keep the positivity, especially that I tend to miss her calls or not reply to her texts. And I replied “Yeah, you do have bad timing when you call me, haha” apologized for not being able to reply sometimes, explaining that i don’t attend to my phone all the time and then said goodnight. Her goodnight reply was so cold i felt it through her text. You know those texts that are really short, you know something’s wrong.
Realizing my “pagkukulang” by not being able to text her every now and then, i texted her at different times the next day. All of my texts received no reply, until around evening. I knew something was wrong, but she told me she was ALREADY okay, which was her usual reply every time i asked her if she was mad or upset. already… already, meaning, she WAS upset, but she didn’t tell me, so we never got to talk about it, same with all the other issues that she replied that to me with. But I’m guilty of this too, if I get upset with her, I don’t reply, talk to myself, consider everything my fault, and then act normally again. Since we both do this kind of coping thing, we rarely fight. Realizing this, I insisted that she tell me what the problem was, and she did. She felt like I wasn’t able to feel her misery, that my replies felt wrong, and other stuff. It lead to a series of texts that weren’t very pleasing and I won’t share them here, but it was a fight. It made me so depressed, it was so difficult for me, and it hurt me so much because I wasn’t used to us exchanging remarks like we did. That I started to worry about where this might lead. But I chatted with a friend who enlightened me, she asked me,
”You love her, right?”
”Very” I replied.
"and she loves you?"
"THEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, you’ll get through"
my mood changed. Suddenly, instead of explaining to her that we both were wrong, I wanted to fix things, and we did. And after we fixed things, I felt that we grew, individually, and as a couple. And I told her that we should be more open now, we should argue, we should fight, but keep it healthy and productive :) I mean, if i didn’t insist on her telling me what the problem was, I would’ve never known my mistakes.
SO to you guys out there, FIGHT if you can, but be objective, don’t let pride get in the way, because it shouldn’t. If pride was an issue for us, i don’t think we’d last the time we’ve lasted. ALWAYS CONSIDER ONE ANOTHER, it’s good to complain, but it’s also good to listen:D BE OPEN TO EACH OTHER, express your feelings, even the bad ones, and talk about it like it’s not a problem, but not forgetting it’s a problem. Keep your fights healthy, because the LQ’s for the right reasons usually are.
IT’s not gonna be easy, but don’t give up! i mean, you love her, right? and she loves you? You’ll get through :D
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